Money - bills - money- bills.

I'm being forced to move sooner than later - because I haven't gotten my money from the backpay... meanwhile.. I'm being sued - over a fairly small amount - but every amount that I get sued for adds up... and I hate seeing it - b/c it makes me feel like a fucking criminal. I hate it.

You'd think that only BAD PEOPLE get sued. But that is not so. People who get sick also get sued. And I am being sued. For MONEY. That I don't have. By the same hospital that I'm going in for some exploratory surgery for on thursday. I'm upset.

And I'm also just in a snit over my cat. I don't want to take her in to the vets in a few hours. My heart is in my throat... I don't want her to die. I'm sick of fear... I worry for my girl. I love her so much. I hate that she will be alone and afraid.

My entire body is unhappy right now- I'm off the medications that brought me a little comfort because I cannot have anything that causes blood to thin etc etc... and I'm worried about my girl... and of course - I'm sad over my miscarried baby...

blah blah blah.

My mind is becoming a black hole right now and I'm not sure how to rein it in. I think it's the blood thinners... I think they work along with the preds to keep my brain calm... I'm making excuses... but I think that's it. I think I'm going a bit nuts. And I'm nervous and sad and feel a wreck. I feel overwhelmed at the enormity of my medical bills. And what will I do? What on earth will I do? Whatever shall I do?

IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO FURTHER TORTURE SICK PEOPLE WITH LEGAL PROBLEMS when we've already been tortured with sickness and pain.

It should be illegal. It is wrong. It is morally reprehensible. I'm angry and upset and in a bad place anyway.

fuck. just fuck. just fuck.