One of my best friends is fat. She's really fat. I cannot guess her weight but I know that she cannot buy anything in the mall or standard women's sizing. She’s “point and laugh fat.” She was and is one of the most supportive people to me through all of my illnesses and through my divorce. We’ve been friends for a really long time. Decades.
Her life has been a constant battle of not having as many friends or lovers BECAUSE of her weight. She's very highly educated, smart, creative, and a genuinely good person. She takes good care of her animals and from her photographs I can tell that she's been a very fat person since she was a very little girl.
She's the kind of fat that gets stared at when we walk into stores. But when I hang out with her, all I see is HER. I don't NOTICE her weight because I LOVE HER. But she notices people staring at her and when she points it out I look and I see it too. People mock, they make fat faces, and yes - they are completely cruel.
As a "norm breaking project" once, one of my students once made a video with her boyfriend. In it her straight gender-norm boyfriend dressed as a woman to show the responses people give to people who are DIFFERENT in our society. They had three friends at the mall use professional cameras from the school’s AV equipment and show faces and responses far away. No one knew they were being recorded.
He did nothing but walk to an Orange Julius, buy a drink the way anyone would, bring it out of his "purse" and pay for it. He then sat down and drank it in the mall the way he would anytime. He did nothing, “swishy” or silly or odd. In fact, he was very masculine behaving because he wasn’t actually FEELING like a woman he was just dressed as one.
The camera showed people mocking, staring, laughing. People came up behind him and laughed and pointed. It was STUNNING. Everytime a professor, doctor, nurse, teacher, coach, or "professional" does the same to ANYONE who is different they are essentially reproducing hatred back into our cultural fabric. Refusing to treat trans, or mocking fatties, all of it – ALL OF IT is further justifying bullying, hazing, and all forms of injustice and inequalities at "difference."
As for my fat friend, there has never been a time when I was with her that she wasn't giving back to people in such a lovely way with phone calls, genuine love, and kindness. Her body is weird. The way her mother and father treated her (as the embarrassing fattie of the family) an outsider and all of society has sends a very clear message that this woman with two Master's degrees that she is WORTHLESS and should be mocked and hurt for her difference.
It doesn't matter how much good she has done for me or the world. It doesn't matter even if she saved the world from disaster, I'm sure people would still line up to mock her and cameras would catch it.
It is disgusting in this day and age that there is still so much judging and intolerances regarding weight. I really wish hearts were on the outside so people could see the good and love.
ReplyDeleteIt burns me up that people are allowed through society's tolerance to make fun of others, especially for their weight. Our value is not wrapped up in our outer shell, but in the heart and soul that resides within. I have often wished that magic enacted in the movie Shallow Hal could be replicated.
ReplyDeleteoh damn that is soo beautiful.. it made me cry.. being someone overweight I've been in the same problem.. it can be hard to go out knowing sometimes that people judge by looks more than they should..
ReplyDeleteIt is so shameful that we allow that kind of ridicule and hate for any condition. *hugs* for you and your friend. She sounds beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI have varied between somewhat and extremely overweight for my entire life. Perception is a problem, yes. Being less overweight makes my life easier in many ways.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who never struggled with weight issues until the past several years, I know how differently we treat people who are overweight. I never struggled to make friends or dealt with awkward social situations until my weight became a very pronounced problem. Now people clearly treat me like I'm lazy, worthless, ugly, and depressed just because my health issues have severely affected my weight - as if I'm somehow less of a person. I'm still the same person inside that I was when I was thin. Except now I put up walls to protect myself and I'm a lot more empathetic to others. But I'm still the same beautiful person I always was...there's just more of me.
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