When a Relationship With Your Doctor Shifts

I had an interesting a profoundly different experience at my primary doc yesterday. I'd say it was one of the more fulfilling experience I've had up here. I'd also say it was because I didn't have illness NEEDS - it was because of that jacked rheum apt where I had to go get prescriptions from her. So seeing someone when I'm NOT sick is MUCH more calm and left me open to seeing things from her perspective.

I also had a brief twitter convo with @BurbDoc the other day where he discussed the notion that some docs are genuinely comforted by their patients who don't "suck at life." And rather than RESENTING this I wondered what it would take to reverse positions and just be calm for a change. (The last few interactions were a mix of adversarial - but it wasn't her vs me rather than other stupidity like a physical therapist who I didn't get along with. I'm NOT a difficult patient nor am I disrespectful to staff or receptionists. But sometimes personalities clash- and we CLASHED. (I cannot call them wrong so much as it was a PERSONALITY DIFFERENCE. And nothing about it warranted them going to my doctor). Again - the way she handled it was very abrasive to me. Rather than assume it had two sides, she YELLED AT ME when I was VERY SICK. And I had to defend myself and point out her errors. She then backed down but it both hurt my feelings and it interrupted the flow of our relationship when we didn't even know each other.

However, yesterday- I realized that we are all prone to error in judgment. And I went in with a truly open perspective. And when I discussed what happened at the rheum appointment (quickly), she realized I WAS ON HER SIDE. And she said, "well, shit rolls down hill." And I realized that we had made a relationship. She recognized that I understood how the culture works and how the rheum should have picked up a phone to consult with HER if he wanted HER to prescribe a medication on his behalf. Meanwhile - we discussed how and why I took it and how it was originally a neurological medication and my rheum took it over. And she was FINE with it. And she also looked over my labs which I brought in and we discussed the potassium.

She actually recommended a higher amount since I teeter so low, and I said, FINE. I realize I'll just pee out any excess. And since this new medication I'm on gives me GI distress - I might as well NOT go low on the K. So - I felt her genuinely trying to help me. I also recognized that I have lots of "specialists" - which sort of removes some of the "doctoring" from her arena. And maybe that makes it no fun for her. I mean - in this case - it really does only leave me there for her when I'm urgently ill or when I have a "problem" and not for the things that most people go in for. However, this is how it rolls. And I DOUBT she has many patients like me.

I took the time to go over a few of my new diagnoses. And I explained quickly how common some of the interactions were and the relationships were - like lupus patients are 3 times more likely to have this. And this medication has a strong black box warning so we need to watch for x. And she wrote it down. I know she'll do her own homework, but I also know she didn't KNOW IT. And I also know she understands that *I* like to be cared for and that I have a great deal of trust in the doctors and specialists I TRUST. I also like to know what's going on in my health and I don't have all the answers either.

No one does. Even doctors need specialists. Even the most learned among us go to doctors and therapists to learn more about treatments for what we need. And when I sat there and quietly outlined what was happening and how and why I had come to my decisions and how and why I hoped to make it work in the future, she seemed to understand. Some of it is like a game of risk. I hope that by making SOME medical decisions, I can keep worse medical issues from occurring.

Meanwhile- I FELT that we both understood each other for the first time. And it means that I will be staying with her. And I'm grateful for some of the chats I've had with people that help me understand a wider array of perspectives. Truly giving HER time to trust ME seemed frustrating because I was missing my old pcp. But it was worth it.