If You Really Knew Me You Wouldn't Love Me

Fear of being known versus sharing our real selves

Many times I have stepped away from the real connection or found myself retreating from the harder healing issues because they were challenging to me. My "prickly" spaces are like anyone else. I have areas that trigger me and I introspect and share and heal by blogging or talking or bringing it to friends and allowing them to love me and know me.

One of my bigger areas of healing is truly my health. If people "know me" they won't really love me. If people "see all of me" they will reject me. I have "hidden" behind humor and my intellect for many years. It has taken me a long time to start to heal certain areas of my life. And even now I stumble and I forget to trust. (And sometimes when someone triggers me I freak out and instead of using known soothing techniques or conscious techniques I personalize it).

Sometimes things really are about someone else. Sometimes people behave badly because THEY have problems or they want to pick a fight or THEY don't know how to connect or respond. Sometimes it isn't about us. Yet, when we are being triggered or have fears, and we are in relationship with other people who are afraid of connecting or being intimate - (and are perhaps not as aware they have such fears), we both trigger each other. Put us all together in a room or work place or family and imagine the sparks. We're all touching each other's wounds and triggers and people are shutting down and pulling away and emotionally disconnecting.

Life really is a balancing act. It is about sharing and connecting. It is about loving ourselves. It is about our willingness to heal and do the work that allows us to heal. And sometimes it is about accepting people as they are.

Yes. I fear being known. Yes, I am willing to shine the light into this area. What is so ghastly about being known? We'll meet people along the way who will simply walk on. Some will go with us into the place and become real friends. It is worth the risk!