I was feeling pretty down yesterday because I wasn’t feeling too hot so I made a list of my assets and resources. I’m not starting with NOTHING.
Among my resources I listed:
My social media connections (and their networks)
My friends and their friends
My experiences – bad and good because I’ve learned
I also NAMED my company. I decided to name it MY NAME. Why? Because names have power. And I took my mask off and I named it who I am. I picked my own name and I am done hiding. I’M OFFERING people ME. I’m standing behind myself and saying, “YES.” I'm deciding in advance that I'm worth something and that my company will be of value even if I've let myself not believe it for many years.
Why am I counting my experiences and personality as resources?
When I was a little girl I used to be SO jealous of my brother. He was quiet, introverted, and a thinker. If you use the Myers-Briggs typing he’s an INTJ. I’m an ENFP.
We are a good team when we work together. But he showed me this the other day and we laughed.
He’s gotten used to me “brainstorming” out loud and using my friends to collectively generate a powerhouse of ideas. I’ve gotten used to the notion that my friends are often very silent and pragmatic. I’ve gotten used to the idea that IF I want to have productive meetings I need to have ONE point I want to ask them even if I have circuitous and giant spitballs of ideas to pour out.
I might say, “Please tell me what you did right and wrong when you did this project because I don’t want to re-create the wheel and I’d like to use you as a resource.”
People are often FAR more forthcoming when I do that and I don’t vomit a rainbow all over them. Still – when I’m excited and I’ve blogged and jotted and talked and gotten exuberant all over the place I still do it – especially if you sit there and LISTEN to me. On the plus side, I can and will hush up and listen back. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY – but you need to say it. And you need to make sense. And if you are hyper critical of me and my ideas then I will NOT like it.
I used to think I was flawed. I used to BELIEVE people when they told me I talked too much or I was too loud. I used to think I was broken. I used to think if I could just be different – more quiet, more silent, more introverted I would be more successful. But I realized NO – NOT TRUE!! I’m good the way I am. Thinkey quiet people NEED ME to generate that big rainbow of ideas in their face. Without me they wouldn’t have any ideas to think about. I’M GOOD ENOUGH AND MY IDEAS ARE A RAINBOW. So are yours. Yes I am loud. I’m loud in person. I’m loud online. I’m loud in my sleep. I think in Technicolor and I’m doing really big things in the world. I WANT to make it a better place. I want to be a better person while I am at it. I’m DONE being ashamed and afraid and too much and subsequently not enough.
It has taken a LONG TIME to get here and I still make mistakes. I make mistakes because I’m not a saint. I’m a human having human moments. But I know for sure that without the tree people and the forest people and the rainmakers and the heads down workers and the leaders and the followers and the spiritual masters and the joy bringers and the cleaning crew who tidy up and make the place just right and the service oriented people who give back – NOTHING WOULD WORK RIGHT. There must be balance in the world and without balance we have a deficit and when we have a deficit we feel yucky inside. And that is why we have divine discontent to just BE who we are without shame. And be who we are without BLAME.